I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
