Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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