She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We had sex on a dog bed..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
