Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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