i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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