Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
