Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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