im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Please don't give away my fajitas
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
