And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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