I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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