I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
