I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
