I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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