The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
