I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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