So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
