guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
