omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how drunk are you?
Several
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
