She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize