I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I intend to get homeless drunk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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