i think my tv is drunk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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