I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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