Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
40s are totally the cure
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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