I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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