just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
