he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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