I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
