saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
