I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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