When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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