His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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