I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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