Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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