I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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