I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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