I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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