Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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