Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
