I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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