I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
