When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
