what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
