i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
