I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think your dad took our porno
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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