party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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