If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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