I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
