my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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