so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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