well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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