i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
