I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im holly from the hills drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
