She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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