I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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