Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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