Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
