I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
