I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
