Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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