Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
