He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
