Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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