Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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