If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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