I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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