he thought i was a dude.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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