I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she smelled like a LAN party
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
