Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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