at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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