I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
