just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
