smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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