So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
