apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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