I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
